Advice following a death
When someone dies there will be many tasks to perform, often at a time of great personal distress and when you may feel unable to cope. How you deal with some of these tasks will depend on where the death has occurred as procedures differ in England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. It will also depend on whether the death was expected.
There’s a Government website which gives a step by step guide as to what you need to do. There ae different routes depending on whether the death was expected or not and whether it happened at home or in a nursing home or hospital. Government guidance website.
Registering the death
Deaths may be registered online on the Government’s website. The form allows you to choose between England and Wales, Northern Ireland and Scotland. Government’s website for Registering a death online.
In the different UK countries:
There are different procedures for death registration and the Tell us Once service depending on the deceased’s location:
For deaths that occur in other countries of the UK there are regulations that need to be adhered to and permissions that need to be obtained before the deceased can be taken from their place of death to their final destination. Although not complicated it still requires a level of knowledge and understanding of the laws within that country and can be completed relatively quickly.
Deaths occurring abroad
For deaths occurring abroad the procedures are more complicated and will require engaging a funeral director in the country where the death occurred.
You are strongly advised to consult a funeral director or a specialist repatriation company as there will be much to arrange if you wish to repatriate your loved one.
- If the deceased had a form of insurance, then you should immediately contact the insurance companies help line who will make all the necessary arrangements for the repatriation. They will engage a local funeral director who will care for the deceased and ensure all legal requirements are completed before arranging transport.
- If there is no insurance, then you will need to cover the cost of repatriation. In this instance you should engage a funeral director who may contact a specialised repatriation company or direct you to them. You may need to cover the full cost of repatriation before any instructions will be given.
- In either of these circumstances, it is very important that you do not make any final arrangements for a funeral until the deceased has arrived in the UK as there will still be formalities to complete before a funeral can take place.
- Help will also be available from the British or Irish Consulate in the country where the death occurred.
The first step is to choose your funeral director.
All SAIF members are expected to provide a professional service in line with our Code of Practice.
Arranging the funeral can be the most difficult step to take for the recently bereaved. The death of someone close can seem unreal, as if it hasn’t happened and some find it difficult to come to terms with. Having to sit and discuss the details of a funeral can seem so final and many people find it difficult to make decisions at such a stressful time.
Funeral Directors who are dedicated to serving the bereaved within their communities understand this and will allow their clients time to adjust and make decisions at their own pace and without pressure. It is important that all options are considered, and you do not take decisions that you may later regret.
Who can make the arrangements?
Sometimes there may be a dispute within families as to who should make funeral arrangements and take the decisions. Funeral directors can find themselves having to balance the needs of a client whilst observing the law. It is the responsibility of the person presenting themselves to make arrangements to ensure they are legally entitled to do so.
Read our Frequently Asked Questions below for advice on:
- Who can legally make arrangements (England, Northern Ireland and Wales)?
- What is the legal situation in Scotland? Thanks to Tim Weir www.weirlaw.co.uk for this information.
- What happens when there are disagreements?
- What do we mean by ‘client’ and ‘contract’?
Today there are more options than ever when arranging a funeral. You should first check if the person who has died left any instructions regarding their wishes or if they had purchased a pre-paid funeral plan as this may help you decide on the various options.
The type of funeral may be determined by culture or religion and some decisions may make themselves.
You may wish to have a private service with invited guests only or have it open for all family and friends to attend. There is no right or wrong way to have a funeral as long as the deceased wishes, if any are respected and the family are satisfied, they provided a fitting tribute for their loved one.
Generally, the first decision will be whether the deceased is to be buried or cremated and where this is to take place also is it to be a religious service or a secular non- religious one. Will there need to be a service or meeting before at the funeral director’s premises or in a church, synagogue, mosque or meeting hall?
Coffins and other services
You may then be asked if you wish to choose a coffin. The range is vast, from traditional chipboard veneer through to solid wood, cardboard, willow, bamboo and even wool. Coffins can be decorated and printed in favourite football colours or emblems.
Other choices will include whether you wish to have the funeral director’s cars for mourners and where you wish to meet or leave from, flowers, newspaper notices or if you wish to go on somewhere after the funeral for refreshments.
It’s important to remember there is no rush to make these decisions and you can take time to decide once the funeral is over you cannot go back and do it again.
DIY funerals
Currently there is no law requiring you to engage a funeral director to arrange a funeral and a family member or friend can do this. However, they will need to perform a series of tasks and ensure the cremation or burial is performed according to legal requirements.
These include obtaining and processing the necessary documents which must be lodged with the crematorium or cemetery within a required time.
There is also the practical matter of caring for the deceased until the funeral. If the person has died in a nursing or care home, they may have to be transferred immediately and although a hospital will have a mortuary, they may have a limit on how long the deceased can rest there. Today it can take up to two weeks for a funeral to take place and caring for the deceased at home for that length of time can be difficult and upsetting.
Some funeral directors may give advice and assistance if you wish to perform the funeral yourself and there are useful websites explaining what must be done.
Direct Cremations
The last few years has seen an increase in the request for direct cremation caused in the main by the pandemic when restrictions were put on attending a funeral. It is also being driven by the prolific amount of advertising by on-line companies encouraging this type of funeral and the assumption that it far less expensive than a traditional service.
Direct funerals are not new and local funeral directors have been providing them when requested for many years. If it is your decision to purchase a direct cremation it is very important you understand what it is and the type of service, you will receive.
A direct cremation organised on-line or by telephone means your loved one is taken by a company directly to the crematorium at a defined time without anyone in attendance. Some companies may allow a limited number of people to attend for a short time sometimes with a piece of music but no service at an additional cost.
The crematorium used may be hundreds of miles from where your loved one died, in a different region or country. Some on-line companies give the impression they are locally based when they are not. They will make the arrangements with you and then outsource your funeral to a funeral company in your area often for far less than you have paid.
If you are considering this type of service, then you should ask several important questions:
- Where is the company based?
- Do they have their own premises local to you?
- Where will the deceased be cared for?
- What crematorium will be used?
- Do they outsource the funeral and if yes who will perform the funeral?
- Do I need to pay in advance?
- What if I decide to cancel, will I receive a refund?
Before coming to a decision consult a local funeral director who may be able to provide a similar service with more support and at a similar cost. This will not put you under any obligation to use the local funeral director but will ensure you make a more informed decision.
What to expect at the funeral and what happens afterwards.
Your funeral director will have normally checked all the arrangements with you, ensured all your requests are in place and talked you through what will happen on the day.
If this has not happened, then do not be afraid to ask as some people may be anxious of what may be expected of them especially if they have not attended a funeral before.
The funeral director will ensure everything runs to time and that everyone is in place. If there is a cortege then he or she may page in front of the hearse for a short distance to allow other cars to join and ensure no one is left behind.
What to expect
On arrival at the crematorium or cemetery the funeral director will escort you to your seat or the grave and arrange for the coffin to be placed in the crematorium or on the grave. Depending on local custom this may proceed the mourners or follow after them. Bearers may be supplied however it is possible for mourners to carry the coffin and your funeral director will give instructions how to proceed and give assistance.
At a graveside it may be possible to assist with lowering the coffin and in Scotland this can be performed by mourners using cords which are attached to the coffin handle. This is not compulsory and if you do not wish to do this, please let your funeral director know before you arrive.
At the crematorium, some family and friends may wish to place flowers on the coffin and your funeral director will call you forward at the appropriate time. If a family or friend wishes to take part in the service by reading a poem or sharing some memories, then you should ensure the Clergy or celebrant knows this in advance and will call the person forward at the appropriate time.
At the end of the service
Following the service, the funeral director will escort you back to your cars and ask if there is anything else they can assist with at that time. If you are using the funeral director’s vehicles these will normally transport you to wherever you are returning to. The flowers from the crematorium may be returned to be placed on a family grave.
Following the funeral
There are a number of matters that will need to be taken care of. Your funeral director should be able to help you with considerations such as include:
- Flowers – if you have more flowers than you can cope with then it is suggested you give them to family members or friends, or donate them to a local hospice or care home. Additionally, you may like to preserve a particular bouquet.
- Donations – your funeral director can manage all the donations received prior to and at the service. They will advise you on the total amount and can arrange for it to be donated to your chosen beneficiary such as a charity.
- Headstones and kerbed memorials – there is a very wide choice of headstones or kerbed memorials (creating a defined areas around a grave) from a wide variety of materials. Grave tenders should also be considered if you will find it hard to look after the grave yourself.
- Memorials – people often like to establish some form of memorial to provide a lasting memory of the person who has died. These range from garden or park benches and planting a tree, to putting up a plaque or setting up an online memorial where all manner of written and visual memories can be collated for posterity.
- Bereavement – sometimes people can struggle to come to terms with their loss. If this is the case, then don’t try to hide it. Your SAIF funeral director can advise you on practical support that is available through local charities as well as offer advice on coping with your loss.
- Cremated remains (ashes) – options
Following a cremation, you will need to decide what is to happen to the ashes. Today like many things with funerals the options are many and your funeral director will have information on what is available. Previously options may have been limited to scattering in the garden of remembrance, internment in a family grave or returning them to the family. Nowadays there are options to have them divided and placed in keepsake lockets or miniature urns for different members of the family. Ashes can also be made into gemstones and set in jewellery for people to wear. What to do with the ashes can be decided at a later stage however it is important you make your funeral director aware and ask then to ensure the ashes are stored safely until you decide. - Ashes – legal issues
It is a legal requirement for the ashes to be given to the person who made the application for the cremation. The funeral director should only give them to another person if they written permission from the person legally entitled to receive them. If you intend to scatter ashes on privately owned land you must seek the permission of the owner. - Ashes – Scotland
In Scotland, cremation regulations require funeral directors to return ashes to the crematorium if no instructions have been received from the client after a period of eight weeks. The crematorium will then contact the client and advise that the ashes will be scattered if no instructions are given within four weeks.
Following the funeral, there may also be many other administrative and legal matters to deal with.
Funeral Costs
Cost is a major consideration, and it is very important you make choices that are within your own budget. There is always the temptation to do what others expect or what you may think is the right thing but do not be tempted to choose a service which you may find difficulty paying for.
Get a written estimate
A good funeral director will know ways to keep the cost within your budget and ensure the funeral tribute meets your needs. The cost should be fully explained, and it is a requirement that you are given a written estimate once the arrangements are finalised.
The estimate should detail the funeral director’s own cost and explain what is included. It should also show individual additional costs known as disbursements, these are the costs for services provided by others such as cremation or burial charges, flowers, newspaper announcements etc.
You should sign the estimate or funeral director’s authorisation to show you accept the charges.
Compliance with Competition and Markets Authority (CMA)
Funeral Directors are now required by a Legal Order from the CMA to provide a standardised price list which must be displayed on their premises and any on-line promotional material such as a website of Facebook.
More information on the Order can be found on the CMA website.
Help with paying for the funeral
You may be eligible for help with paying for the funeral if you qualify under certain conditions.
Help with funeral payments is a devolved issue and each country manages their own fund and makes their own rules and conditions. The amount you receive and the conditions that must be met will depend on where you live.
The amount you receive may not cover the whole cost of a funeral and you may be required to fund the balance.
You should make your funeral director aware of your financial situation and they will ensure they work within that and will sometimes make arrangements for payment over a period of time. They may also assist with the completion of application forms.
To find out more please select the country where you live:
- England and Wales
- Scotland
- Northern Ireland
- There is also help and guidance available from Quaker Social Action.
Funeral Planning
Funeral planning has grown over the last thirty years and many people now see this as a way to ensure their wishes are met and defraying the eventual cost and removing a potential obligation for their relatives.
Up until recently funeral planning was unregulated resulting in some companies going out of business and plan holders being left with no plan and no refund.
In July 2022 the Financial Conduct Authority began regulating pre-paid funeral plans. Any provider and directly authorised intermediary must be authorised by them. Their aim is to achieve good outcomes for consumers. They want to make sure that the products offered by firms:
- meet consumer needs
- offer fair value
- They also want to make sure that firms look after consumers’ money and use it to deliver funeral services.
There are a number of companies providing this product. If, like direct cremation, you are considering taking out a pre-paid funeral plan, then you should consider several companies and ensure the plan meets your needs and includes all you would expect. A local funeral director may provide plans and will be in a position to advise you.
Find a SAIF Associate providing Funeral Plans. Use the Find a SAIF Associate Member page and select Funeral Planning.
Find out how to access further information and support from governmental, religious and non-profit organisations.
Publications
SAIF is pleased to provide the following free publication for you to download:
Five things to do before you die booklet
Useful publications
“Headstones -advice & inspiration” – Written by Fergus Wessel, this beautiful book fills a void in the available advice for when someone wants to choose a headstone and doesn’t know where to begin. Every penny goes to Maggie’s Cancer charity in Oxford.
The Invisible Suitcase – from Child Bereavement UK – this animated short film is designed to help bereaved children and families to understand their grief and how to manage it. Based on The Invisible Suitcase by Ian Woodroffe, the film uses the metaphor of an invisible suitcase to show how we all carry our experiences and emotions through life. The film is useful for children and adults alike.
‘Funerals your way’ – written by Sarah Jones, this book book gives information, suggestions and step-by-step guidance needed to create funerals that truly reflect the person who has died. Available from local bookstores or Amazon.
Links
Arranging funerals
A Church near You – An online directory of churches in the church of England. The site includes a ‘Parish Finder’ facility, which allows a user to enter their postcode to find out which parish they live in.
Association of Independent Celebrants – The AOIC is a forward thinking association that places the individual at the heart of its innovative ceremonies.
British Humanist Association – The British Humanist Association encompasses the Humanist Ceremonies network of trained and accredited Humanist celebrants throughout England, Wales and Northern Ireland. Celebrants can be searched by location here.
Civil Ceremonies Ltd – Provides celebrants to conduct ceremonies, offers training to become a professional celebrant and offers ceremony related items such as invitations and ceremony certificates.
Church of England Funerals – A useful guide to organising a funeral, going to a funeral and thinking ahead to your own funeral.
County Celebrants Network – Provides information on celebrant services and training for celebrants plus a list of celebrants.
Dept of Work and Pensions (DWP) – Help with funeral payments for those on a low income.
Down to Earth – Worried about paying for a funeral? Run by Quaker Social Action, this service can guide people in financial need to plan affordable and meaningful funerals.
Embassies, High Commissions and Consulates – for dealing with repatriations
Find a SAIF Member Money Helper – help paying for a funeral
Help and Advice – when probate is required – Help & Advice is a website that has been created to provide free access to information on a range of topics.
Localfuneral.co.uk – find a funeral director near you
Obituaries Help – a website which offers resources for obituaries and funerals
The Fellowship of Professional Celebrants – The FPC is a professional networking and support organisation for independent celebrants which sets standards for best practice and fosters professionalism in celebrancy.
The Institute of Civil Funerals -A professional body established to train, assess and qualify civil funeral celebrants. Members throughout the UK with guaranteed standards underpinned by a code of practice and a scheme of continuing professional development.
bereavement support
2Wish – provides support to people effected by the sudden death of children or young people under the age of 25. They provide support to families but also to anyone else effected by the death, including medical staff, colleagues, school friends. Covers England and Wales.
Amporo – for support after suicide. Amporo is a local suicide postvention service in Kent and Medway, Cheshire and Merseyside, Coventry and Warwickshire, South Yorkshire, Hampshire, the Isle of Wight, Thames Valley, and also supports the British Army.
At a Loss – this website helps bereaved people find the support they need.
Bereavement Services Portal – Information resource containing details of 900 Cemetery and Crematoria Operators and over 3,000 Cemeteries and Burial Grounds.
Bereavement Register – Can help reduce the amount of direct mail sent to a deceased person’s address, stopping painful daily reminders. See also Tell us Once.
Child Bereavement UK – Provides access to support and information when a child is grieving or a child dies. Counselling Directory – The purpose of the site is to provide a huge counselling support network. This is a free, confidential service that will hopefully encourage those in distress to seek help. The website also contains a number of sections on emotional disorders (types of distress section) and provides some useful statistics.
Cruse – Cruse Bereavement Care exists to support people after the death of someone close.
Grief Chat – a way of connecting bereaved people directly to trained bereavement counsellors through a live chat programme, which can be hosted on ANY website from Professional Help
Grief Encounter: this organisation supports bereaved children and their families to help alleviate the pain caused by the death of someone close. Their services are free, funded through the generosity of supporters.
Grief in Pieces – a support service provided by Mind for those in the North East of London who have been bereaved by suicide
Grief Journey – Bereavement counsellor Bill Webster provides a wonderful resource for people going through all stages of the grief process.
Help is at Hand – a guide for those who are unexpectedly bereaved by suicide, and other professionals who may need support after coming into contact with the topic.
Listening Ear – provides emotional and psychological therapies and support services for children, young people and adults, specialising in bereavement.
Nelson’s Journey – support for bereaved children in Norfolk
Penhaligon’s Friends – Cornish charity supporting bereaved children, young people, parents and carers throughout the county. The charity has established a Bereavement Network in Cornwall which includes participants from a range of related services and companies.
SAIF Care – a bereavement service for clients of SAIF Members.
Sudden – helping those bereaved by deaths which happen unexpectedly and suddenly. They provide help from the first day, as well as information to all involved, including including funeral directors, GPs, hospital staff and schools on how to support people going through unexpected bereavement.
Support after Suicide Partnership – special interest group of the National Suicide Prevention Alliance which focuses on supporting those bereaved or affected by suicide.
Take our Hand – a Norfolk based charity which helps young people across England who are going through a bereavement.
Tell us Once – allows you to advise most government departments of a bereavement in one place.
The Loss Foundation – The Loss Foundation is the only UK charity dedicated solely to providing bereavement support following the death of a loved one to cancer , whether that be your spouse, family member, friend or colleague.
The Compassionate Friends – a charitable organisation of bereaved parents, siblings and grandparents dedicated to the support and care of other similarly bereaved family members who have suffered the death of a child or children of any age and from any cause.
Victim Support – Bereaved by Suicide Services. Their case workers offer emotional support, practical help and signposting to other services.
Way Foundation – Widowed & Young is a self-help group that offers emotional and practical support to young widowed men and women as they adjust to life after the death of their partner.
For the profession
British Institute of Funeral Directors – The professional body for funeral directors. Founded in 1982.
British Institute of Embalmers – The oldest professional body in funeral service offering training and qualification to embalmers.
Federation of Burial and Cremation Authorities – The Trade Association for Local Authority owned crematoria and cemeteries in the UK.
ICCM – Institute of Cemetery and Crematorium Management
National Association of Memorial Masons
National Federation of Cemetery Friends – Friends of Cemeteries, Trusts and cemetery managers interested in the future of our historic cemeteries offer advice and best practice on conservation etc.
Competition & Markets Authority Funerals Market Investigation
Competition & Markets Authority Standardised Price list
SAIFInsure – Professional help for all your insurance requirements.
The Association of Natural Burial Grounds – The association aims to assist people in the process of establishing sites and provide guidance to burial ground operators.
Miscellaneous
NHS Organ Donor Register – Find out how you can make your wishes known.
Safe from Scams – Every day, thousands of people are scammed. We give you the lowdown, to keep you and your money together.
The Ashes Register – this website records the date and location ashes were scattered. Enter the details of your loved ones or try searching to find loved ones.
The Memorial Code – The website memorial charity, much loved , has joined together with other leading organisations to create a set of underlying principles to be observed when offering an online memorial service to bereaved people in memory of loved ones who have died.
Support for conditions & illnesses
Aortic Dissection Charitable Trust (The) – established in 2020 as a registered charity to increase education and improve consistency of treatment across the whole patient pathway.
Guts UK – The charity for the digestive system
Mesothelioma UK – supports people with the asbestos-related cancer, mesothelioma.
National Aids Trust – aims to transform the UK’s response to HIV.
Virtual Dementia Tour – Find out about The Virtual Dementia Tour, a scientifically proven method of building a greater understanding of dementia through the use of patented sensory tools and instruction.
Choosing a funeral director
For many families this will not be a problem as they may have used a local funeral director in the past and have been satisfied with their service. However, if you have no previous experience you will need to decide who to go to.
Most people will wish to use a company that is local to them or the person who has died and this may be simple as there may only be a limited choice of one or two in that area. In larger towns and cities there is likely to be a greater choice and you may wish to take advice or do some research before choosing.
Referrals
Local doctors and clergy will have knowledge of the standards and quality of local companies however, they may not wish to make any recommendations or be biased toward any individual.
Relatives, friends and neighbours can sometimes help if they have used someone in the past, but it does no harm to check companies out yourself.
Consumer protection
You should always look for a company who is a member of a trade association like the National Society of Allied and Independent Funeral Directors (SAIF) or the National Association of Funeral Directors (NAFD) as they will be required to provide minimum standards and will have a procedure to resolve any issues that may arise. Members of SAIF will have been assessed by a Quality Assurance Programme which has ISO9001 certification.
It is extremely rare for things to go wrong, but if they do occur, families who use the services of a SAIF member also benefit from added consumer protection under the Society’s comprehensive alternative dispute resolution scheme.
The SAIF Consumer Protection Scheme provides a robust set of procedures to bring complaints against funeral directors to a satisfactory outcome for both parties.
In Scotland all funeral directors will soon have to comply with a Government Code of Practice and be subject to an inspection from a Government Inspector for Funerals. Passing this inspection will qualify them to apply for a government licence which will be a legal requirement to operate a funeral business in Scotland.
Care of the person who has died
- Some documents may need to be prepared and this may cause a slight delay before this can happen.
- Once in their care the funeral director will perform some preparation and dressing before placing your loved one in the chosen coffin. In days gone by this was known as laying out the deceased, today it is called first offices. If requested the funeral director will explain what this is and follow any instruction you may give regarding this.
- A member of SAIF must perform this principal duty unless otherwise directed by you as this will ensure your loved one is cared for with dignity and respect. Some funeral directors may offer you the opportunity to assist with this and you should not be afraid to ask if you wish to be involved.
- As part of this care and preparation the funeral director may recommend embalming. This is an invasive procedure performed by an experienced person which helps with the appearance and preservation of the person who has died. There may be an additional cost involved and the funeral director should explain the process to you and obtain your written permission if you agree. It is not a legal requirement for a deceased to be embalmed.
- If you have decided upon cremation and if the deceased has a medical implant like a pacemaker this will need to be removed to meet the requirements for cremation to take place.
- It is important that your chosen funeral director has adequate facilities and experience to perform this important duty and ensure your loved one is treated with the greatest care and respect at all times. Do not be afraid to ask what facilities the funeral director has and where your loved one will be cared for until the funeral.
Do your research
- Your local funeral director may have a website, and this is a good place to start and will help you narrow down your search. The website will let you see what services they provide and should include the Standardised Price List required by the Competition & Markets Authority (CMA). It may also show you staff and pictures of their premises and will normally have a brief history of the company.
- It should also tell who the ultimate owners are. Some large companies purchase small independent funeral directors and continue to operate using the original owner’s name.
- If they are on Facebook, there may be feedback from families who have used them in the past with recommendations, also feedback from search engines such as Google.
- Once you have decided on a short list, go and visit the premises and meet the people you will be dealing with and who will take care of your loved one. Do not be afraid to ask to see around their facilities including their care facilities and vehicles. Most funeral directors are proud of their facilities and are keen to show people around.
- There is a lot to consider when selecting the right funeral director for your family and it is not only cost you should consider. Sometimes a company may charge slightly more than another, but their facilities, service and client care can be so much better.
